5 Signs His Hot And Cold Behavior Means He Doesn’t Want To Be With You | Thought Catalog
Every woman is bound to come across a guy who runs hot and cold. In this situation, there is Date other guys and act like the hot commodity that you truly are. Is your partner playing hot and cold? One minute you're high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you're frozen out and left. If you're dating someone who runs piping hot and icy cold, you are not alone. Here's some context.
There's an easy, open connection. The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you'll later be harnessed.
Then comes the "cold" phase. Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention. Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication This phase activates loss, making you yearn for them and wait with bated breath for their call or text.
You wonder what happened and begin to question every move you made. Without realizing it, you've submitted to their need for emotional and psychological control. These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior. Each step is a phase, and each phase has a cycle. This formula is predictable and consistent even when your partner's reactions are not. Simply put, when you pull away, they'll re-engage you.
When you advance, they'll pull away. After a cycle or two of this routine you'll be so confused you won't know which way to move. The pattern repeats itself for as long as you're willing to play this game.
The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. You're not at fault. There's nothing you did, or didn't do, that's causing this. Don't let your friends analyze your situation and convince you otherwise.
The Real Truth About Why Some Men Run Hot And Cold
Just notice where you are in the cycle and don't let it disempower you. Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions.
There's a marked difference between a relationship hiccup and the game of hot and cold. Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. There's open communication about their fear.
Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement. A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement. The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love. It's a way to feel love without getting hurt.
But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love. They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet. The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one. It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength. But it's just the opposite -- real power is the ability to maintain intimacy.
Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct. Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary. Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Being open and honest is a gift that's born of inner confidence and self-worth. Here's where the tables turn in your favor. Once you recognize this pattern, you've already gained your freedom from the automatic response instigated by your partner's game.
There's nothing to lose. Authentic communication reveals your partner's fears, allowing their concerns to be voiced and worked out while maintaining connection. Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance? More than that, do we spend quite a lot of time with them and we're a part of many group hang-outs?
The Dating Game of Hot and Cold | HuffPost
It can be exciting and make us think that we're almost in a serious relationship. This can be totally deceiving since it makes us feel like he is interested in making us his girlfriend. After all, why would he have introduced us to his friends if that wasn't the case? The only thing is that he's not acting like our boyfriend and he's not calling us his girlfriend, either. We don't need to be in such a confusing situation, that's for sure. It's awesome news to hear that a guy that we like wants to get married.
We would assume that when the guy that we're dating tells us that, he might be thinking that we could be husband and wife in the future.
But have you gone on an actual date with him? We know that he's a game player when we've never gone on a traditional dinner and a movie date or even any kind of date just hung out casually and yet he's saying that he wants to get married someday. Those are some confusing mixed signals. We assume that means that he's just as into us as we are into him and we basically want to scream but we'll smile and stay calm on the outside, of course.
It's upsetting when sometimes he remembers what we've talked about and other times, he looks blank when we bring up a previous conversation. We wonder why he doesn't recall that we had an hour-long talk about something or that we've told him that we're an only child about five times now. He's not serious about us when this is happening. It's rare that a guy will say this and actually not want that at all because typically, guys who don't love commitment never bring the topic up. This guy is just busy and still interested in us when he says he can see himself dating us seriously and that he thinks we have a future together.
Sure, he might be busy right now, and we might wish that we could have more frequent date nights. But all signs point to this being something good. It's kind of like a warm drink on the worst winter day ever or a relaxing yoga class. We feel the opposite when we're with someone who is playing us hot and cold.
We never feel relaxed and it always seems like something awkward or upsetting is about to happen. This is a sign that we're not with the right person, even if we like him and even if things seem promising. We should always be really comfortable around someone if we're going to be in a relationship with them.
But It Never Happens We swear that the next time that this guy says something to us, it's going to be something that is so romantic it will make every rom-com or drama pale in comparison. We just have this feeling and he can be so charming, we think that he's going to give us the best speech ever.
Will he say that we're the girl that he's been waiting for?
Will he finally ask us to be his girlfriend? These things just don't happen and every time we hang out with him, we think that they will. And every time, they just don't. We need someone who is much more stable than that. We have lots of "what if's" running through our heads. Let's say that we met another guy and like him and we know that we could start a relationship with him. Something is holding us back, though, and that's this guy.
We keep wishing that we could date him and that he would start acting like a real, actual boyfriend. This is proof that we're being played hot and cold. If we weren't, he would be our boyfriend. It's a great sign when he is the one who texts us first and we never have to worry about whether he's going to contact us. Even better and more exciting, he brings up going on the next date and always wants to see us another time.
The Dating Game of Hot and Cold
We can remind ourselves that if he wasn't interested, we would never hear from him, and we would never go on dates. The fact that we're still going out with him proves how he feels. Waiting for the DTR moment is not much fun. When we realize that this is the situation that we're in, it's a sign that we're being played.
He's acting hot and cold because we assume that he likes us enough to make things official and then it just doesn't happen. We have enough hope to keep hanging out with him. It's best to figure this out soon so we can move on. We should never have to wonder about this.
The Hot and Cold Guy: Why Is He Hot and Cold (And What to Do About It)
If a guy wants us to be his girlfriend, he needs to be honest and say it. The problem is that this guy is nice and he has moments where he is very caring and romantic.
A few moments later, though, he brings up a story involving his ex-girlfriend.
- 5 Signs His Hot And Cold Behavior Means He Doesn’t Want To Be With You
- The Real Truth About Why Some Men Run Hot And Cold
This is super confusing. Does he even like us? Why is he talking about her? Shouldn't he be focusing on us instead of his past? We know that he's playing us hot and cold when we're not percent sure that he is only interested in us. He's a charmer, but he could still be into his ex. It could be a reason for blowing us off. But if a guy is truly into us and he's really just tied up with work or other commitments at the moment, he's going to tell us that he wishes that he had more time for us.
This is only good if he really does make time for us once his schedule opens up, though.